Dunedin - short weekend escape
It didn't have to be long until I had my first emotional breakdown this year. Year 4/6 of medical school. I remembered having one around the same time last year as well. It was really difficult to adjust to a new environment and new kind of learning. Its difficult enough with all that, and to add on that, I had to deal with my good friend/worst enemy namely: emotions.
It was a roller coaster ride for the first 'official' week this week. Being 4th year, there are a lot of things that you don't know. You kind of have to pick up everything as you go. Learn things as you observe and try to be a little more bolder and braver to try do things. I realized the more effort you put, the more people appreciate you.
I cried on most nights this week. Trying to recognize what feelings I felt. Was that anger? frustration? useless? pathetic? IDK. It was a mixture of feelings that surely had brought me down to my knees. When you have nothing to offer, it is so easy to put on a show and find a way to impress people. I felt that too. I made myself work hard so that I can answer the consultant's questions, so that he will impressed. But, if I were to go that path, and chase everything I would not do anything to myself.
Because you know you can never please people ENOUGH to make yourself feel better/look better.
I had a moment to myself, reflecting on those feelings I had, refocusing on things that I should do.
Taking a break from everything, and hopefully will come back stronger and wiser than before.